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Ken Magill

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Huzzah! Pontiflex Chows on Championship Football


By Ken Magill

Yeah, sure, they loved the trophy and are now proudly displaying it in their reception area. But what the proud folks at mobile subscriber acquisition firm Pontiflex really wanted was the football.

No, not just any football. It was the Magill Report Fantasy Football League Championship sweet Lebanon bologna football from Dietrich’s Meats in Krumsville, PA (Mmmm. Mmmm.).

For those who have never been exposed to the wonderfulness that is Lebanon bologna, it is a cured, smoked, fermented, semi-dry salami-like sausage available throughout Pennsylvania as a lunch meat.

It originated with the Pennsylvania Dutch and was named for the Lebanon Valley of Lebanon County, PA, where it is most commonly produced.

As for Dietrich’s Meats, well, if they would serve alcohol and allow patrons to smoke cigars on the premises, it would be what I’ve always imagined heaven to be. They even have a smoked-bone and pig-parts section for the family dog.

Whenever we get a mail-order package from Dietrich’s, as soon as I bring it in the house, our dogs smell the smoky goodness permeating the box from inside and practically pee themselves whining in anticipation of the treats soon to be doled out.

Oh, wait a minute. That wasn’t the dogs. That was me.

In any case, the Pontiflex DUMBOs—named for the acronym for Down Under the Manhattan Bridge Overpass—won the football by beating NetAtlantic TidalWave 129.96 to 123.9 in the Magill Report Fantasy Football League’s second championship. Email service provider e-Dialog won last year’s big game.

Congratulations, Pontiflex! And thank you to everyone who participated in this year’s league. I hope to see you all back next year.

Here are some photos of Pontiflex’s victory celebration:

Pontiflex co-founder and CEO Zephrin Lasker (right) holds seven pounds of smoked meaty goodness while vice president of business development, Jordan Cohen, holds the championship trophy over his head. The fat, blotchy guy on the left is me.

Here's is what the meat football looks like carved up. For perspective, the butcher knife's blade is 10 inches long.

Closeup of the football pre-carved.

And don't forget the trophy. That's the Brooklyn Bridge in the background.


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Terms: Feel free to be as big a jerk as you want, but don't attack anyone other than me personally. And don't criticize people or companies other than me anonymously. Got something crappy to say? Say it under your real name. Anonymous potshots and personal attacks aimed at me, however, are fine.

Posted by: Jordan Cohen
Date: 2012-01-18 15:19:36
Subject: Thanks Ken!

Thanks again for shlepping out to Brooklyn to see us last week Ken. And for being a great League Commish throughout the season. A good time was had by all. Looking forward to a DUMBOs repeat next year!