Magill FFL: 2011 Playoffs Set!
By Ken Magill
Boy, FreshAddress’s The @men sure ended the regular season with a bang.
Between New York Giants quarterback Eli Manning on Sunday night and the Seattle Seahawks defense on Monday night, The @men scored a whopping 75.8 points propelling them to a 202.6 to 148.54 win over Message Systems’ MS Destroyers.
As a result, The @men will play Division 3 leader NetAtlantic TidalWave in the first round of the playoffs next week.
The NetAtlantic TidalWave avoided going into the playoffs with a losing record by beating Zrinity’s Email Lightning 138.54 to 129.94. NetAtlantic finished the season with a 7-7 record.
Meanwhile, against unsolicited advice I have been giving all year long, Message Systems started Buffalo Bills quarterback Ryan Fitzpatrick and Buffalo Bills wide receiver Brad Smith. They scored a combined 8.64 fantasy points.
Dear Message Systems:
Remember when I told you about that thing Buffalo sports teams do where they give their fans hope and then at some point in the season or playoffs—four Super Bowls come to mind—they reach into the fans’ chests, rip their hearts out and stomp them into little pieces on the ground while laughing manically?
Well, I kinda knew what I was talking about. I grew up in Buffalo, remember?
I am in the playoffs in my fantasy league almost every year and have won enough championships to irritate the other team managers in my league. Know what my fantasy team name is? “WhyGodHateBuffalo?”
Want to know how many Bills I’ve had on my fantasy team in the last 10 years? Maybe three, and I’ve dropped them all like pissed-off rattle snakes. Get it? Snakes? Poison? That’s what the Buffalo Bills are to fantasy teams.
I’m in the playoffs again this year. Want to know how many Bills got me there? None.
And I paid more than $300 to get DirecTV’s NFL Sunday Ticket to Go just so I could watch the Bills.
It hasn’t been fun lately, but that’s how loyal a fan I am.
Let me be clear: I Do Not Start Bills on my Fantasy Team and Neither Should You.
You see, I know what’s going to happen. And now, you do, too. Hopefully we won’t have to have this little chat again next year.
In any case, Message Systems made a respectable end-of-season run, but it wasn’t enough.
The @men’s victory put them into a first-place tie with The TowerData Validators in Division 1.
The TowerData Validators had been in sole possession of first place in Division 1, but early season-struggler Return Path’s RP GOLIATHS went out with a bang this week, beating TowerData 157.18 to 136.10.
Return Path also made a respectable end-of-season run, but it, too, wasn’t enough. Better luck next year.
TowerData plays Division 2 leader Pontiflex DUMBOs in the playoffs next week.
The DUMBOs lost to Harte-Hanks Heroes this week 100.98 to 128.3, ending their season with a record of 10-4.
As for this week’s meaningless games, The wife’s Rivet This! beat Spam Primavera—run by Adam Mihalik, a marketing analyst for a really big insurance company I’m not allowed to name—132.7 to 116.4.
Former Division 1 leader Spam Primavera ended the season with a record of 8-4.
PL Marketing’s Orchard Lake Pirates beat Omeda’s Oh My! Omeda 131.58 to 85.6.
e-Dialog’s e-D’s TDs beat Mickey Chandler’s Spamtacular Bastards 102.4 to 99.04.
At stake this year is a lead crystal championship trophy and a regulation-sized football shaped sweet bologna sausage from Dietrich’s Meats in Krumsville PA, which I will present personally to the winning company—at least, now that I know none of them are further from Magill Report World Headquarters in Central Valley, NY than Massachusetts.
Here is a photo of last year's championship meat football: Yum.