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Ken Magill

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Magill FFL: Fluent Lives Up to its name ... This Week, at Least

9/9/14
 
By Ken Magill
 
When you put the words “Kicking @ss” in your team name, you had better kick some @ss.
 
Well, Fluent in Kicking @ss opened the season by beating 2013 champion Epsilon 198.4 to 91.64—the week’s most lopsided game.
 
Enjoy the moment, Fluent.
 
Meanwhile, newcomer-to-the-league Team Yesmail made a nice opening statement, beating Return Path’s RP SPAM ASSASSINS 148.52 to 127.54.
 
Return Path went into Monday night down by 44.08 points to Yesmail with one player left to go: Arizona wide receiver Michael Floyd.
 
Alas, Floyd scored 23.1. 
 
Interestingly, Return Path had the points on its bench to beat Yesmail. But that would have meant starting Pittsburgh quarterback Ben Roethlisberger over San Francisco’s Colin Kaepernick and New York Jets running back Chris Ivory over San Francisco’s Frank Gore—an unlikely pair of decisions.
 
Yesmail won despite starting a Buffalo Bill: running back C.J. Spiller. I’m telling you now, Yesmail: You start Bills, you flirt with disaster. I’ve been a Bills fan all my life. I know how this story plays out.
 
To steal an old joke, I want six Buffalo Bills to be pallbearers at my funeral so my team can let me down one last time.
 
The FreshAddress @men—whose manager is still pissed at me for refusing to run a live draft—came out swinging this week, beating Message Systems’ MS Destroyers 170.28 to 121.42. 
 
The @men were so hot this week, their bench scored 103.66.
 
Not bad for an auto-drafted team, eh FreshAddress? How you like me now? [Warning: Link opens a music video.]
 
Another league newcomer, eDataSource—managed by a Canadian, the country with the most dumbassed anti-spam law in the world—lost to the TowerData Validators 
 
eDataSource went into Monday night down by 61.04 points. It would take a big night from Detroit quarterback Matthew Stafford and San Diego wide receiver Keenan Allen for eDataSource to win.
 
Stafford delivered, scoring 54.04, but Allen not so much. He scored 4.7.
 
Also, San Diego tight end Antonio Gates scored 11.1 points on Monday night for TowerData, adding to eDataSource’s uphill battle.
 
As a result, eDataSource came up just short, losing to TowerData 122.94 to 136.34.
 
Sadly for eDataSource, there were enough points on its bench to win, as well. Getting the win would have involved starting Chicago kicker Robbie Gould over San Francisco’s Phil Dawson and Cleveland running back Terrance West over St. Louis’ Zac Stacy.
 
Decisions, decisions. Chin up, eDataSource. You lost to one of the league’s perennial best.
 
Meanwhile, Net Atlantic Storm beat demandware 168.62 to 159.36. 
 
Net Atlantic benefitted from a strong outing by Atlanta quarterback Matt Ryan who threw for a career high 448 yards and three touchdowns.
 
Omeda’s Oh My Omeda beat Responsys’ I Have No Responsys 143.46 to 117.56. 
 
Responsys lost despite the usual strong outing by Denver quarterback Peyton Manning.
 
Living Social’s LivingSocialites beat PL Marketing’s Orchard Lake United 150.38 to 101.26.
 
It’s on, folks.
 
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Terms: Feel free to be as big a jerk as you want, but don't attack anyone other than me personally. And don't criticize people or companies other than me anonymously. Got something crappy to say? Say it under your real name. Anonymous potshots and personal attacks aimed at me, however, are fine.

Posted by: Matt @ Yesmail
Date: 2014-09-09 15:14:45
Subject: hilarious!

Thanks for the chuckle and organizing the league Mr. Magill

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