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Ken Magill

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Magill FFL: Oracle Takes First Place

10/20/15
 
By Ken Magill
 
This week’s award for genius fantasy football move goes to Oracle Buys Us All. Okay, so there really isn’t a genius award in this league. But if there was one Oracle would get it.
 
Oracle picked up Pittsburgh wide receiver Martavis Bryant off waivers. After having been inactive for the first five games of the season, Bryant racked up 137 yards receiving and two touchdowns, scoring 40.5 fantasy points.
 
He was projected to score 8.84 points, not that Yahoo!’s projections ever pan out.
 
Bryant was the second-leading scorer for Oracle, just behind New England quarterback Tom Brady, who scored 48.48.
 
The two led Oracle for a win over Fluent in Kicking @$$ 202.08 to 146.32.
 
The win also propelled Oracle to first place.
 
Oracle’s record is 5-1. Fluent’s is 3-3.
 
Meanwhile, the Epsilon Harmony Army got its first win of the season, beating Yesmail 140.56 to 129.3.
 
Yesmail’s record is 2-4. Epsilon’s is 1-5.
 
The TowerData Validators climbed back into contention this week, beating WhatCounts’ Count the TDs 195.18 to 149.08.
 
Interestingly, TowerData got 41 points out of Philadelphia’s defense, a group who’s highest score to date had been 28.
 
WhatCounts’ score was the fifth highest losing score this year.
 
Both teams’ records are 4-2.
 
And speaking of high losing scores—and from the don’t count-FreshAddress-out-just-yet file—FreshAddress’s SoFresh and SoClean beat British invaders Adestra’s HMS Victory 226 to 215.02.
 
Adestra had the highest losing score of the season this week and the second highest score in the league. Had Adestra played any other team this week, they would have won.
 
Note to Adestra: Ouch. That’s gotta hurt. Note to FreshAddress: Way to claw back in it. It ain’t over for you yet.
 
Adestra’s record is 4-1. FreshAddress’s is 2-4.
 
eDataSource’s Off Our mEDS picked up its fourth win of the season, beating Message Systems’ SparkPost Destroyers 176.04 to 93.96.
 
The win was eDataSource’s third in a row, the current longest winning streak in the league.
 
Message Systems’ record is 1-5.
 
The Net Atlantic Storm picked up its second win of the season, beating Omeda’s oh My Omeda! 132 to 122.74. 
 
Omeda’s record is 3-3.
 
PL Marketing’s Orchard Lake United beat the Doba Drop Shippers—who the hell let a drop shipper in this league?—151.6 to 130.6.
 
Doba started the Buffalo Bills’ defense, which netted them a whopping five points.
 
Look, Doba, I know you’re new to this league, so I’m going to give you the same lecture I give every year—even though at the beginning of the year I said I wouldn’t.
 
I have been a Bills fan all my life. I grew up in Buffalo and had season tickets for years. If I didn’t live 400 miles away, I would still have Bills season tickets.
 
But here’s what the Bills do, Doba: They get your hopes up and then smash you right in the face. Every. Friggin’. Year.
 
Even I got sucked into the preseason hype this year. And then the movie started playing out like it always does and I wised up. I am advising you to do the same.
 
My fantasy team name is WhyGodHateBuffalo?.
 
As I wrote last year—a gag I stole from a Cleveland Browns fan—when I die, I want six active Bills to be my pallbearers. That way my team can let me down one last time.
 
For the love of all that is sacred, please, please, please, run. Don’t walk. Run away from the Bills—all of them.
 
You’ve been warned.
 
Sincerely:
 
A Bills Fan.
 
Pl Marketing’s record is 4-2. Doba’s is 3-3.
 
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Terms: Feel free to be as big a jerk as you want, but don't attack anyone other than me personally. And don't criticize people or companies other than me anonymously. Got something crappy to say? Say it under your real name. Anonymous potshots and personal attacks aimed at me, however, are fine.

Posted by: Barry Sokol
Date: 2015-10-20 16:48:37
Subject: You Win

this was on the internet so its gotta be true. Only the Cubs can outdo the Bills. http://bleacherreport.com/articles/526275-the-25-most-cursed-franchises-in-sports/page/28
Posted by: Barry Sokol
Date: 2015-10-20 16:44:24
Subject: I hear ya

On the Bills. But us tortured souls in Detroit have it way worse. At least we got a win on Sunday. No more 0-16 chances again. The problem was the day before my Wolverines pulled a move from the Lions or Bills playbook on how to loose a sure win game. So much getting a kicker from Australia. I guess their rules there are different. The Lions have made and lost in the playoffs almost as much as the bills made and lost in the superbowl. I guess we both saw exciting running backs in Sanders and Simpson. Sanders just faded away and OJ just couldn't fade away. Cant decide which team is more cursed. At this point Let's just say the Cubs.

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