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Ken Magill

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Magill FFL: 2014 Playoffs Set!

By Ken Magill
Okay folks, it’s on.
Six teams are in the Magill Report Fantasy Football League playoffs. In descending order they are: Omeda, Net Atlantic, Responsys, Fluent, FreshAddress and Yesmail.
The Net Atlantic Storm and Omeda’s Oh My Omeda are on byes this quarterfinal week.
In the first playoff round, the FreshAddress @men—managed by a guy who probably never wants to hear the term “live draft” ever again—play Fluent’s Fluent in Kicking @ss.
Responsys’s I Have No Responsys plays Team Yesmail.
The winners of those two contests will move on to play Omeda and Net Atlantic in the semifinals the following week.
There are three teams in this year’s playoffs that I will personally deliver the spoils to if they win the championship: Net Atlantic, Fluent and FreshAddress—managed by a guy who will probably want to uncork one on me for busting his chops all year over his irritation on my refusal to run a live draft.
As a reminder of what’s at stake, the winner of the Magill Report Fantasy Football League championship gets a beautiful 13-inch, engraved crystal trophy from Crown Awards and a regulation-sized Lebanon bologna football from Dietrich’s Meats in Krumsville, PA. Mmmm. Mmm.
In order for me to deliver the goods personally, the winner must live in reasonable driving or train distance from Magill Report World Headquarters in Central Valley, NY. I’ve determined “reasonable” to be anywhere close to the east coast of the United States north of Virginia.
No offense, Responsys, Yesmail or Omeda, but I’m not hopping on a plane to California or Illinois to deliver a meat football and a trophy. We’ll do the exchange by mail on two conditions: that you take pictures and send them to me so I can run them in the Magill Report, and that at least one person tries a bite of the Lebanon bologna football with peanut butter.
I know it sounds weird, but Lebanon bologna is amazing with peanut butter.
Unless, of course, you have someone on staff with a peanut allergy. I don’t want anyone dying over Lebanon bologna and peanut butter—even though it is such a wonderous culinary delight.
With a record of 12-1, Omeda would seem to be the favorite to take it all this year, but they are beatable. Fluent, for example, scored more points in its game against eDataSource’s End-zone Espionage—a team managed by a guy from Canada, a country with an anti-spam law so dumbassed it made a Stan Mack cartoon—than Omeda scored against Yesmail this week.
Once the playoffs start, anything can happen. Anyone can win. Good luck!

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