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Ken Magill

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Magill Report FFL Week 1: RP Revenge on Hold

9/13/11

By Ken Magill

So often winning and losing in fantasy football is simply a matter of the luck of the draw—or the lack of luck of the draw in some cases.

Return Path’s Goliaths posted a whopping 161.76 points this week—the second highest score in the league—only to lose to the TowerData Validators who posted the league’s top score of 178 points.

The Goliaths’ manager, Larry Karipides, is looking for revenge this year after dominating last year’s regular season and then suffering a surprising fractional-point loss in the playoffs. If he’s going to get it, thanks to TowerData, the 2011 Return-Path-revenge tour won’t start until at least week 2.

TowerData benefitted from strong performances by Tennessee Titans wide receiver Kenny Britt and Arizona Cardinals quarterback Kevin Kolb.

Meanwhile, Message Systems’ MS Destroyers were propelled to a 143.92 to 115.42 victory over FreshAddress’s The @men in part by a strong performance by Bills quarterback Ryan Fitzpatrick in Buffalo’s 41 to 7 rout over Kansas City.

Wait a minute. Ryan Fitzpatrick? The Bills’ Ryan Fitzpatrick? Message Systems started Fitzpatrick?

Note to Message Systems’ team manager Barry Abel: Listen Barry, we need to have a chat about the Bills. I grew up in Buffalo. I have been a Bills fan for 40 some odd years. I even had season tickets for a bunch of those years. But you know what, Barry? I rarely put Bills on my fantasy team. And when I do, I usually keep them on my bench. Why? Because every year the Bills find a way to tease their fans into thinking maybe they’ve turned a corner only to tear their hearts out of their chests and stomp them into little bloody pieces in front of them. Just sayin’

In any case, starting Fitzpatrick was quite a gamble. To be fair, Message Systems had the misfortune of drafting Indianapolis quarterback Peyton Manning, who is out for an unknown period after having undergone neck surgery.

And Abel had the good sense not to start Indianapolis’s backup quarterback Kerry Collins.

Still, Fitzpatrick?

Anyhow, let’s move on to what’s really important. Spam Primavera beat the wife. Woohoo!

Spam Primavera—managed by Adam Mihalik, a marketing analyst for a really big insurance company I’m not allowed to name—walloped Rivet This by a score of 133 to 103.7.

Thank you Spam Primavera. The wife has informed me that if she wins the Magill Report championship she has some sort of groveling hell in store for me. I’d rather not find out what that is.

Elsewhere in the league, last year’s champion e-Dialog opened this season with a 116.16 to 105.36 win over anti-spammer Mickey Chandler’s Spamtacular Bastards.

Last year’s second-place team, Harte-Hanks Heroes, opened this season with a loss to the Pontiflex Dumbos by a score of 90.6 to 125.18.

NetAtlantic’s Red Tide beat Zrinity’s Email Lightening 131.2 to 122.98. And PL Marketing’s Orchard Lake Pirates beat Omeda’s Oh My! Omeda 100.4 to 74.28.

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