Magill Report Predictions for 2011

By Ken Magill

I generally consider making predictions a prime opportunity to make an ass of oneself.

Yes, I make them. And, yes, I make an ass of myself on a regular basis.

With those thoughts in mind, here are some predictions for 2011:

I will wake up multiple times in strange places with my tongue feeling like I could comb it and having no idea how I got there.

I will apologize to my wife multiple times for being a loudmouthed, opinionated jackass.

I will vow to stop drinking 364 times.

I will vow to cut back on cigars 364 times.

I will have endless amazing article and business ideas on many nights between 11 p.m. and 1 a.m., write them down and wake up to realize they suck.

I will still fail to realize they’re not laughing with me, they’re laughing at me.

I will alienate the few living relatives and in-laws who still tolerate me.

What? What was that? I’m supposed to be making email predictions?

Okay, here goes:

A bunch of marketers will buy email lists and get ripped off.

At least one marketer will file a lawsuit because their “totally Can-Spam-compliant” email was blocked from reaching their “100 percent opt-in subscribers who want to hear from them.”

That marketer will spend a bunch of money on lawyers and lose.

Trade-press contributors will write endlessly about the importance of relevance and segmenting in email marketing while most marketers will just hit “send.”

Email marketing conferences will still be the business equivalent of Grateful Dead shows with the same people going from town to town, getting wasted—just no mushrooms—and saying the same things.

Canada’s new spam law may get some U.S. and Canadian marketers to clean their practices a bit, but it will do diddly squat in the fight against spam.

One or more idiot reporters will claim the Can-Spam Act is a failure because levels of spam have risen since it was passed. 

Someone will declare email dead—right before or after checking their inbox.

I will remain fat.

I will occasionally bathe.

Happy New Year, everyone! And please celebrate irresponsibly.

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