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Ken Magill

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Magill FFL: Bam! HMS Victory Makes a Statement

9/15/15
 
The British are coming! The British are coming!
 
Okay, so I got that one out of the way early and promise never to use it again, if only because the phrase is a stupid myth. Paul Revere would never have said such a thing. The rebellious colonists at the time still thought of themselves as British.
 
It would be like someone riding through Boston today yelling: “The Americans are coming!”
 
Plus, Revere and the other riders probably wouldn’t have been yelling because the Massachusetts countryside was lousy with British troops.
 
“Keep it down, you stupid ass! There goes the element of surprise, Gomer” would have been a proper response.
 
In any case, UK-based Adestra’s HMS Victory opened the 2015 season with a statement, scoring the second-highest point total in the league and beating Message Systems’ SparkPost Destroyers 164.96 to 142.8.
 
Adestra benefitted from a strong outing by San Diego quarterback Phillip Rivers, who threw for 404 yards and two touchdowns and score 61.96 fantasy points.
 
The highest score this week went to PL Marketing’s Orchard Lake United, who scored 173.44 in a victory over last year’s champion Net Atlantic Storm.
 
Sadly for Net Atlantic, they scored a healthy 156.92—third highest in the league—and would have beaten 11 of the 13 other teams.
 
Ouch. That’s gotta hurt. They’re all coming for you Net Atlantic.
 
Omeda’s oh My Omeda! put up the league’s third-highest point total, beating Yesmail 152.64 to 136.1.
 
Omeda won despite starting Buffalo wide receiver Sammy Watkins, who put up a goose egg in the Bills’ win over Indianapolis. I know. I vowed not to mock people for starting players from my Bills this year because they really do look like a possible contender.
 
But still, for years I have said I have rooted for the Bills all my life but do not start Bills players on my fantasy teams. At some point during the season they always figure out a way to smash their fans hopes into millions of jagged little pieces.
 
As a result, my fantasy football team name is WhyGodHateBuffalo?
 
So maybe the advice still holds. I know I still don’t have any Bills on my fantasy team.
 
In any case, Fluent’s Fluent in Kicking@$$ beat the Doba Drop Shippers—drop shippers? Who the hell let a drop shipper in this league?—152.24 to 143.96.
 
And meanwhile, 2013 champion Epsilon’s quest for redemption from a dismal 2014 season will have to wait at least a week.
 
The TowerData Validators beat the Epsilon Harmony Army 133.92 to 127.42.
 
FreshAddress’s SoFresh SoClean—suddenly, I have an urge to do my laundry—beat WhatCounts’ Count the TDs 149.54 to 138.4.
 
Oracle Buys Us All—really? I wish they’d buy me—beat eDataSource’s Off Our EDS 119.92 to 101.84.
 
And from the someone-should-probably-avoid-eDataSource’s-CEO-today file comes news that eDataSource’s bench scored 157.08, more than 12 teams.
 
Yow.
 
The plus-side of that news is eDataSource clearly has the horses to do better—much better—and one loss means nothing.
 
Congratulations to all the winners. To all the losers: Chin up. We’ve got a long way before things start to shake out.
 
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Terms: Feel free to be as big a jerk as you want, but don't attack anyone other than me personally. And don't criticize people or companies other than me anonymously. Got something crappy to say? Say it under your real name. Anonymous potshots and personal attacks aimed at me, however, are fine.

Posted by: Ken Magill
Date: 2015-09-16 15:33:54
Subject: BillsVPats

I haven't looked forward to a Bills game, no matter the outcome, this much in a very long time.
Posted by: Brendan
Date: 2015-09-15 15:51:06
Subject: BillsvsPats

Hey Ken, Should be a great game this Sunday Pats vs Bills! Bills D is looking sensational and should be a tough matchup for Brady. Wouldn't be a Bills Pats game without a little pregame Rex smack talk! ( : Go Pats, Go FreshAddress!
Posted by: Mario
Date: 2015-09-15 15:19:29
Subject: Sammy Watkins

Hi Ken, Sadly.. I'm a Bills fan :( but I didn't have Sammy on my team this week. Go Bills!!

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