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Ken Magill

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My Top Predictions for 2015

By Ken Magill
This is the final 2014 issue of the Magill Report.
Since no year-end marketing newsletter or magazine seems to be complete without predictions for the coming year, here are some of mine:
Out: Omnichannel marketing. In: some other stupid-assed term that people think makes them sound cutting edge when really it makes then sound like baahing sheep.
Uberchannel marketing? No? 
Ooh. Wait. How about “omnipresent individual-relationship-driven, relevant-centric marketing?” Yeah? Yeah? 
In much the same way people use the term omnichannel, those same people will continue to use the term “big data” without ever having a definition beyond “it involves a lot of data.”
It still won’t occur to anyone in marketing that when activists use the term “big,” it means bad, such as “Big Tobacco” or “Big Pharma.” 
So when Federal-Trade Commission bureaucrats—who, ironically, have no idea how trade actually works—use the phrase “Big Data,” it’s shorthand for dangerous marketing activities even though no one in the history of commerce has been hurt by a well-honed pitch.
Pundits will say this is the year the silos come down and marketing gets truly integrated when what it would take to bring down the silos—much like implementing communism—goes against every shred of human nature. Replace the word silo with “corporate territory” and things get pretty clear.
Companies will continue to use last-click attribution and the search team will continue to take credit for sales the email program drives. See “silos” above.
Email pundits will continue to write and lecture about so-called “relationship-building” and “engagement” strategies while most people doing actual email marketing will simply hit “send.”
The Canadian anti-spam law will be used against some company that is engaged in admittedly nuisance behavior and held up as an example, when a simple Spamhaus listing with no federal government involvement would have done the job just fine.
The Canadian anti-spam law will be challenged in court as unconstitutional and ruled to be the ridiculous piece of legislative overreach it is.
The Canadian anti-spam law will reduce the worldwide flow of spam by a grand total of zero percent.
The consumer press will quote so-called privacy advocates, such as Jeff Chester, saying how nefarious data-driven marketing is without ever asking for a shred of evidence to back his claims.
Another year will pass with no one having been harmed in any way by data-driven and behavior-based advertising.
Someone in the consumer press—or even in marketing, for that matter—will offer the New York Times anecdote about Target’s marketing efforts allegedly outing a pregnant teen to her dad as an example of “big data” gone awry, when exercising three minutes of common sense would reveal that story could not have happened.
I will be fat. I will smoke cigars. I will drink too much. I will fart at my desk hundreds if not thousands of times.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, everybody!

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Terms: Feel free to be as big a jerk as you want, but don't attack anyone other than me personally. And don't criticize people or companies other than me anonymously. Got something crappy to say? Say it under your real name. Anonymous potshots and personal attacks aimed at me, however, are fine.

Posted by: Graham Segal
Date: 2014-12-24 01:45:40
Subject: Great Work in 2014, 2015 Here We Come

Ken, I am using my 'so-called “relationship-building” and “engagement” strategies' to wish you and your wife all the best for a successful and prosperous 2015. I look forward to sharing your thoughts over the next year. Oops ... not sure what to next. Oh, yes. Ken said to hit 'send'!.
Posted by: Joi Brooks
Date: 2014-12-23 18:42:09
Subject: farting at your desk, really?

Keep on truckin', Ken! Considering all that I read everyday on the topic of email marketing, YOU make me laugh. Merry Christmas and Happy Festivus for the Restofus!
Posted by: Ken Magill
Date: 2014-12-23 17:10:52
Subject: Awesomness

Thanks, Marcia! You too!
Posted by: Marcia Oakes
Date: 2014-12-23 16:51:41
Subject: Awesomeness

Thanks for always being awesome. Looking forward to more next year. Happy holidays!