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Ken Magill

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Stupid Test Time: Magill Report Pops a Quiz!

4/21/15
 
By Ken Magill
 
Ok folks, so material for the Magill Report this week was pretty thin.
 
And now, this week’s deadline’s in jeopardy. So to help get the Magill Report out, I came up with a little pop quiz.
 
It’s about email list building and touches on anti-spam law. It’s also informative and stupid.
 
Please take it and enjoy.
 
1. You should ask for people’s e-mail addresses:
 
A) Everywhere possible, including during online transactions, prominently throughout the site, on print collateral, through telephone representatives, at retail locations and anywhere else you can think of.
B) Nowhere. Why ask? They’ve got to be for sale somewhere.
C) Ask? Ask? We don’t need no stinkin’ permission. They’ve got a “delete” key. Tell them to use it.
D) What was the question again?
 
2. Under the U.S. Can Spam Act, scraping addresses off the Internet is:
 
A) A way to get electronically transmitted diseases along with an itch in an embarrassing place that will never go away.
B) Fun, easy and tastes good, too.
C) Illegal.
D) Not illegal, but an aggravating factor that can lead to stiffer penalties for someone who gets busted violating the Can Spam Act.
 
3. The U.S. Can Spam Act:
 
A) Outlaws unsolicited e-mail.
B) Is great with syrup.
C) Does not outlaw unsolicited e-mail, but requires marketers to include a functioning opt-out mechanism.
D) Requires commercial e-mail to include a valid, physical postal address.
E) Requires marketers to honor opt outs within 10 business days.
F) What? What was that? You’re boring me to tears here. No more Can-Spam questions, OK?
G) C, D and E
 
4. CASL stands for:
 
A) Canadian Anti-Spam Law
B) Can Anyone think of anything Stupider than this Law?
C) Canada’s Asininely Stupid Law
D) Crazy-Ass Silly Law
 
5. The Canadian Anti-Spam Law:
 
A) Is an anti-spammer’s wet dream.
B) Outlaws SPAM, the meat, because, well, it’s pink and greasy.
C) Was an answer to Canadian consumers’ anguished cries for help with the biggest crisis in their country’s history.
D) Is the most needlessly onerous piece of email legislation ever passed.
E) Gives the Canadian Radio-television and Telecommunications Commission so much power, it will most assuredly be abused.
F) Requires verifiable permission to send commercial email
G) A, D, E and F
 
6. For retailers, when gathering addresses at bricks-and-mortar locations, it is imperative to get:
 
A) As many e-mail addresses as possible any way any how, even if they have to scrape them off Web sites.
B) Drunk.
C) Store manager buy in.
D) All of the above.
 
7. Getting retail-store-manager buy-in entails:
 
A) Probably just a cattle prod, nothing more.
B) Axel grease, duct tape, feathers and an engine hoist.
C) Nothing. Who cares what those little toadies think?
D) Setting up the program so it clearly helps them make their numbers and doesn’t threaten in-store purchases.
 
8. Adding people’s e-mail addresses to a commercial file without their permission is:
 
A) Unwise.
B) Not wise.
C) Inadvisable.
D) Illegal in Canada.
E) A sure way to draw spam complaints and get outbound e-mail blocked by receiving ISPs.
F) A practice too many marketers, seemingly especially retailers, engage in.
G) All of the above.
 
9. Buying e-mail addresses from a vendor with vague contact information and no identifiable details about its executive team on its Web site, and whose representatives you’ve never met in person at a trade show is:
 
A) Unwise.
B) Not wise.
C) Inadvisable.
D) A sure way to get ripped off with bad data—that is, unless you consider “Info@XYXco” and “Sales@XYZco” good data.
E) Oh, and we almost forgot, naïve.
F) All of the above.
 
10. Buying email addresses in the U.S. from even a well-known reputable, data provider:
 
A) Is legal and, therefore, just ducky
B) Can work like gangbusters but is also quite risky because you don’t have permission to mail and even the best purchased email lists run a high risk of spam traps and complainers.
C) Buying email lists? Reputable data provider? Pfffft! Are you f&cking kidding me?
D) B and C
 
11. In getting people’s consent to e-mail them, pre-checking the permission box is:
 
A) Fun, effective and oh, so sneaky.
B) Not the best practice in the world, but maybe sort of OK in the U.S. as long as it is absolutely clear—not kind of clear, absolutely clear, as in an illiterate, mountain-dwelling-banjo-player-couldn’t-miss-it clear—what is about to happen.
C) Illegal in Canada.
D) B and C
E) What, are you stupid? I just told you it’s B and C.
F) B, C, D, and E.  
 
12. When people sign up for an e-mail program, they should get a “thank you” or confirmation message:
 
A) Thank them? Why thank them. They haven’t bought anything from me yet.
B) Whenever IT can get around to it.
C) What the heck is a confirmation message? Can Spam doesn’t say anything about confirmation messages.
D) Immediately if possible because if the message arrives days or weeks later, they’re likely to forget they signed up, might lodge a spam complaint, and may have even become a competitor’s customer.
 
13. Double, or fully verified, opt-in is:
 
A) Fully protected, consensual sex.
B) Not fit for family viewing.
C) The e-mail list building process where a new registrant must respond to a confirmation e-mail in order to be added to a marketer’s list.
D) One way to make sure incoming e-mail data is clean because if the address is bad, the message will bounce signaling the address should not be added to the file.
E) One way to avoid getting email addresses of people who don’t want your mail. If they don’t want it they won’t respond.
F) Also one way to avoid the dreaded blacklists, such as Spamhaus.
G) Not recommended by the publisher of this newsletter because it seriously slows down list growth when there are other ways to keep incoming email addresses clean.
H) C, D, E, F and G.
 
14. Single Opt–In:
 
A) Was known in the 1700s as self pollution and considered a cause of madness.
B) Is where the marketer sends a confirmation message to new subscribers that does not require a response.
C) Is recommended by the publisher of this newsletter as long as one of the many data-hygiene providers is used with it to ensure incoming data is clean.
D) B and C
 
And now for the bonus, super-duper extra-credit question:
 
15. The Magill Report is a popular newsletter because:
 
A) It’s informative.
B) It’s entertaining.
C) People enjoy watching a no-talent, bitter, loudmouthed trade-hack reporter fall into an alcoholic tailspin and ruin his career.
 
Answers: 1, A; 2, D (Seriously, it’s D. Look it up.); 3, G; 4, A; 5, G; 6, C; 7, D; 8, G, 9, F, 10, D, 11, D, 12, D, 13, H, 14, D, 15, Why, C, of course.
 
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Terms: Feel free to be as big a jerk as you want, but don't attack anyone other than me personally. And don't criticize people or companies other than me anonymously. Got something crappy to say? Say it under your real name. Anonymous potshots and personal attacks aimed at me, however, are fine.

Posted by: Ken Magill
Date: 2015-04-22 16:14:39
Subject: Thanks, Loren!

Posted by: Loren McDonald
Date: 2015-04-21 21:06:10
Subject: Nicely done Ken

Ken, the answer to number 15 is clearly C, always B and often even A - though people with no sense of humor or who think they know EVERYTHING, have never had a drink or talked about home-brew wine or raising chickens with you, would likely only answer "C." Cheers.

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