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Ken Magill

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Time for a Magill Report Sign-Off Line

6/28/11

By Ken Magill

Ever notice all the cool marketing columnists have creative sign-off lines? For example, Silverpop’s Loren McDonald ends his MediaPost column with, “Until next time, take it up a notch.”

Jeanne Jennings ends her ClickZ column with “Until next time.” David Daniels ends his ClickZ column with “Until next time.”

Okay, so the last two are not all that creative and, in fact, they’re identical. But still, the columnists who have them are cool.

And I want to be cool so it’s time The Magill Report got a sign-off line.

Here are some possibilities:

At the end of the day, it’s all about blasting relevant synergy into your paradigm.

Last night was a blur. Time to go make tonight one, too!

If your email marketing goals are bad to mediocre, you’ll always meet them.

Every day I wake up with my wife’s bra on my head means she’s probably mad at me.

Why segment when you can turn that baby on like a howitzer?

Remember, when they opt out, you legally have 10 days to hammer the living crap out of them.

Oops. I just threw up on my keyboard.

Thought of the day: Latex has a thinning effect.

Gaaaaaak!

When you work at home you can fart whenever you want.

And for today’s brain-searingly bad visual, I probably wrote this column in my boxers … while scratching my ass. A lot.

Until next time, if it’s Can Spam compliant, it’s legal. Bombs away!

Wow. My ass hurts. Time to go.

Email? This was supposed to be about email? Oh.

Until next time, always tell them your list is double opt in even though you don’t have a friggin’ clue what that term really means. Remember. Double. Opt. In.

Never forget: Email marketing is the pigeons. Your customers are the statues.

As always, don’t smoke weed before noon. You’ll never get anything done. But then your subscribers will love you for it.

Email: the one channel where its pundits talk incessantly about shit its practitioners never do.

Don’t worry; just hit “send.” If something’s wrong you can always blast ‘em again.

Until next time, remember: A spam complaint is just a cry for attention.

Email marketing: the one profession where some ex-rocker living in an undisclosed location in Europe and some buddies decide whether you get your messages delivered or not.*

Okay: time for a martini—martini being a euphemism for “I want to drink straight, clear liquor and get to that warm buzzy, my-life-doesn’t-really-suck feeling as fast as possible.”

Until next time, don’t forget your email-marketing ABCs! Always Blast the Crap out of everyone.

Relevance? You don’t need no stinkin’ relevance.

What? What was I saying?

Mmmmm … Beer.

*That’s a reference to anti-spam blacklisting operation Spamhaus.

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Terms: Feel free to be as big a jerk as you want, but don't attack anyone other than me personally. And don't criticize people or companies other than me anonymously. Got something crappy to say? Say it under your real name. Anonymous potshots and personal attacks aimed at me, however, are fine.

Posted by: John
Date: 2011-12-28 10:19:22
Subject:

"Until next time: Stop being stupid."
Posted by:
Date: 2011-07-06 02:11:20
Subject:

lol! Funny..
Posted by: Ken Magill
Date: 2011-06-30 14:29:46
Subject: Don't be stupid

Short. Succinct. I like it.
Posted by: Bill
Date: 2011-06-29 15:58:58
Subject:

"Don't be stupid."

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