Marketing’s Weekly Dose of the Truth

Ken Magill

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Wow! eWayDirect Wins Championship by Less than a Point


By Ken Magill

If only New York Giants quarterback Eli Manning would have connected on one more pass. Or if St. Louis wide receiver Danny Amendola hadn’t fumbled.

That has to be what Movable Ink’s Inkredibles team manager Jordan Cohen is thinking since he suffered a 0.8 point loss to eWayDirect’s Avengers in The Magill Report Fantasy Football League 2012 championship.

Meanwhile, Jarett Lewis, manager of the Avengers has to be thinking:





“I just beat my former friggin’ boss! Oonse, Oonse, Oonse, Oonse ,Wub Wub Wub Wub Wub.”

Lewis and Cohen managed last year’s champion the Pontiflex DUMBOS—where Lewis reported to Cohen—before moving on to their new companies.

Congratulations, Jarett. You have won a fine engraved crystal trophy from Crown Awards and a regulation-sized sweet Lebanon bologna football from Dietrich’s Meats in Krumsville, PA. Mmmm, mmmm.

I will personally deliver both at a mutually agreeable time.

As for the Inkredibles, they get a big fat load of zippity doo da.

Meanwhile, in news that has to frost a bunch of people’s asses, four teams in consolation play this week scored more than both teams in the championship.

And the folks whose asses are surely the most frosted right now are those who manage the NetAtlantic TidalWave.

After a dismal season marked by a lot of bad luck—they often put up good scores just to be beaten by an opponent that just happened to score higher that particular week—the TidalWave ended their season by scoring a whopping 177 points and beating e-Dialog’s e-D’s TDs who scored 98.86.

Note to NetAtlantic: Where the hell were you all season?! Oh well. Next year.

The Marketfish Sharks and Omeda’s Oh My Omeda also significantly outscored the two teams in the championship with Marketfish beating Omeda 165.84 to 131.38.

In other consolation play, the TowerData Validators also outscored the two championship teams by beating the Return Path GOLIATHS 119.38 to 100.02.

And for the third year in a row, Return Path made a respectable run for the playoffs and came up just short.

Message to Return Path team management: You do know that in the Bible, Goliath loses, right?

One rock straight to the forehead. Zing! Thud.

May I suggest a name change next year to the Return Path Davids?

Just sayin’.

In any case, that was one nail biter of a season and a heck of a lot of fun to watch. Assuming The Magill Report remains a going concern this year, all 2012 team managers will have first dibs on teams for the 2013 season. Look for an email in August.

Congratulations eWayDirect!


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