Things that Say 'I am a Loser' More than an AOL Address

By Ken Magill

Some readers got upset last week when they saw that I had written: “There is little that says ‘I am a loser’ more than an AOL address.”

To all those who were offended, please accept my heartfelt apologies.

I take it back. There are many things that say “I am a loser” more than an AOL email address. So at the risk of offending even more readers, let’s list some of them, shall we?

The mullet haircut says “I am a loser” more than an AOL email address.

Using the phrase “dub, dub, dub” when telling someone the URL of a Web site says “I am a loser” more than an AOL email address.

Hitting “reply all” to an email from the boss to co-workers to say anything along the lines of, “I agree, boss,” says “I am a loser” more than an AOL email address.

Ccing the boss on an email to a co-worker to get the co-worker to take the message more seriously than he or she otherwise would says “I am a loser” more than an AOL email address.

An email to the boss reminding him or her of anything co-workers hope he or she forgot, such as a Friday afternoon meeting, says “I am a loser” more than an AOL email address.

Okay, so these last two actually say “I am a douche” more than “I am a loser” but I felt the need to include them.

Cracking gum says “I am a loser” more than an AOL email address.

Riding a Segway says “I am a loser” more than an AOL email address. Actually, riding a Segway says “I am a dork,” but dork and loser are close enough in meaning to one another to merit Segway riders’ inclusion here.

Making air quotes with your fingers says “I am a loser” more than an AOL email address.

Having an assistant record your voice mail greeting says “I am a loser” more than an AOL email address.

I should probably stop now.

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